G-DGFL2E9MJ5 striving for understanding and authenticity - Being the Work

Episode 6

full
Published on:

24th Jan 2024

Striving for Understanding and Authenticity with Rachel LMSW

Today we talk about striving for understanding and authenticity with Rachel. She's currently a medical social worker that has worked with children's mental health and a plethora of medical social worker roles. She's the highest paid Bingo-Caller we know!

We talk personal history, motivations, humor, care, commitment, and recovery and prevention of burnout.

Just a Note: this is an uncensored show full of our personal opinions. So you will hear us cuss sometimes.

We keep our community and show ad free and open to helpers, your investment will help to directly build the brave space we all need. Support Being the Work by

And remember, we're not YOUR helpers. Everything here is our opinion and is intended to support you, not give professional advice. Get the help you need, when you need it, where you need it. Here are a few resources for mental health support for you and those you love: 

National Alliance on Mental Illness

US Substance Use and Mental Health Services Administration

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

Transcript
Rachel:

We're totes recording this right now.

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Blakely: This is kinda how

we get in the flow, it's

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Rachel: We're

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Blakely: We usually start

out get in the vibe, get

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comfy.

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Whoa.

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Really loud in my ears.

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Ben: Okay.

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How's that?

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Blakely: Better.

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Ben: When I do, when I turn it

up, do you hear me more too?

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Okay, cool.

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Okay, how are

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Rachel: I'm good.

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You're perfect.

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Ben: I mean, be serious

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Rachel: I can hear both of you very

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well.

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Okay, I'm just like...

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It's like this ear

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Blakely: Oh, Ben is so praise fatigued.

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Ben: No!

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Shut the

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Rachel: This is the best.

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I like you two together

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because, 'cause it's like...

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sweet, humble, like, I'm used to this.

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It's like I'm in the

middle of the spectrum.

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I'm right here.

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So it's like,

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where am

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I gonna jump?

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Am I gonna jump to here

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or am I really gonna jump over here?

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And then I don't know

where I'm flying in between

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Blakely: yeah.

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yeah.

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No, my or

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Ben: my the reason

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I wanted is that sometimes you're too

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Rachel: sweet.

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I am very nice and it's annoying.

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Yes.

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Annoyingly perky is

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how I introduce myself and

yes, I cannot turn it off.

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And yes, I know it's annoying.

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Blakely: Right?

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As long as you know.

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Ben: I didn't say you were

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Rachel: annoying.

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Oh, I did.

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Blakely: It's the not knowing.

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I think that it's really the clincher

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Rachel: I

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Ben: so, Rachel, thanks for coming.

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This is a lot of fun.

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Blakely, I know Rachel, so I'm going to

let you start us out with the questions.

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Because I always jump to assuming that you

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Blakely: Oh, sure.

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so

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we usually kind of get started

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with Who are you?

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What are you doing?

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But we don't like to break people

into categories What you do,

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it doesn't make who you are.

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We do a lot of our kind of work because

of bits and pieces of who we tend to be.

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but I think that there's a lot of

uniqueness in our motivations and in

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our personalities and in our experiences

that we don't talk about enough.

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and so usually to start things out, I

like to ask some questions Like Ben said,

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it's a lot of Ben's friends that we are

interviewing because Ben has friends

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Ben: Ben has

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friends.

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I'll at least give

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Blakely: I'll at least give myself

the credit that I have friends,

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just most of them think that I'm

insane for being a social worker.

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so, starting out, we kind of like

to do a breakdown of, shorthand,

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of what makes up your personality.

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are you familiar with Enneagram,

or Myers Briggs, or we talked

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briefly about some Zodiac, I

think, before we started recording.

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All of that, to give us a little bit of an

idea of, um, what makes you tick, before

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we even get into the, the story of it all.

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Rachel: of,

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Ben: Briggs,

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Rachel: I was waiting for it to,

I am a medical social worker.

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So I work in and out of hospitals,

clinics, thrive on the craziness,

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the crisis interventions, the fix the

problem now and do it yesterday and

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then as a discharge planner, wearing

lots of hats, just weaseling my way into

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many different situations to kind of.

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Bring about change if we

want to make it pretty.

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Ben: Did anyone

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else hear you say

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Rachel: Yeah,

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Ben: Weasley.

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Blakely: straight.

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Rachel: Um, I'm a Gemini.

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Enneagram.

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I think I'm a number two.

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Is it like the helper or something?

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Which is so

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generic

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because you're helping professional.

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Blakely: Empathy Harmony

helpers are of our work.

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Ben: Yeah, and, and Justice Seekers.

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Blakely's getting out her Enneagram book.

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Blakely: I'll read you the quick

paragraph on we've got a lot

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Rachel: Oh, read It sounds so

generic, so I almost don't like

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Blakely: And it's funny, it's

funny, because what you said was,

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you feel like you are somewhere

in between some extremes that Ben

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and I tend to represent sometimes.

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So A two.

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I'm sensitive to other people's feelings.

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I can see what they need,

even when I don't know them.

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Sometimes it's frustrating to be so

aware of people's needs, especially their

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pain or unhappiness because I'm not able

to do as much for them as I'd like to.

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It's easy for me to give

up myself sometimes.

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I wish there were better.

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I were, I were better at saying

no because I end up putting my.

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Uh, more energy into caring for others

than into taking care of myself.

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It hurts my feelings if people

think I'm trying to manipulate or

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control them when all I'm trying

to do is understand and help them.

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I like to see, I like to be seen

as a warm hearted and good person,

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but when not taken into account

or appreciated, I can become very

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emotional or very, or even demanding.

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Good relationships mean a great deal to

me and I'm willing to work hard to Make

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Rachel: hard

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to make

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Ben: Yes.

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Blakely: stop reading

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Rachel: No, no.

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no.

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Okay, so

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like,

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Blakely: look at me.

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Ben: I'm okay so I'm listening to

Blakely read this and I'm watching your

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body language and all of these things

resonate and I see annoyance on your

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face

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but I also am incredibly proud Because

I find myself, like, I have a hard time

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going back and forth between what is

my core motivation with the Enneagram.

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I just had this thought this last weekend,

was there is nothing about compassion.

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it is painful, and it is, it is

courageous, and to me, that's what I

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heard when I heard what she just read.

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And you're like, hey, this is so typical,

and I'm going, this is why I love you are

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super bubbly, super nice, wonderful to

be around, easy to talk to, so funny, we

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can laugh all the time, it was very and,

what I respected, was you were, It's like

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grit, power, tenacious for your clients.

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And these kids that we were working

with needed someone in their corner.

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You would fight so hard for them in

this, the sweetest tone of voice.

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that I was like, that's skill.

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So anyways, I want to just push back

on this like annoyance that you've got.

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Rachel: that you've got.

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I, I, know

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Ben: I know.

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I, yeah, I've, I know this, I

know this feeling very well.

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so, yeah, I just,

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Rachel: I think it all comes down to,

to perfectly summarize, I think it

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was the lovely new girl, the show.

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And it was like, you walk around

thinking about how other people feel.

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How do you get anything done?

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And it's like, it's really hard.

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I have family members that

are just blunt, cutthroat.

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They're like, we're gonna do us.

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And so, you know, it is really

hard hearing compliments,

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hearing good things about myself.

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I'm like, yeah, I'm just annoying.

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That's just, it comes down to me

having some sass and With good intent,

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generally with whatever I try to

do, I try to do it with good intent.

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Even if I am being mean or deliberate

or something to get my point across.

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Even when I'm mad, I'm like, if I

want to throw something, I'd probably

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go fold it five minutes later.

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And it's a crutch.

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It's not fun.

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I don't recommend

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it.

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Jealous of people that can do

other things that I cannot.

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but.

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I do like to, I call it weaseling.

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Weasel my way into people's hearts.

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Build that rapport.

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Build that connection.

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So I can tell you what you really need

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help with.

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Blakely: It even says here

that your blind spot as a two.

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Maybe your own needs and your,

not weaseling, but intrusiveness

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into the lives of others.

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if,

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Rachel: Not measly, but

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Ben: Interesting.

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I wonder if, uh, I mean, I do intrude.

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I

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think I, I, I I was on Instagram,

uh, yesterday or today?

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Blakely, did I send

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Blakely: Of what?

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Ben: so it's this, uh, It's this dog.

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It's this dog, and the mom is

going, where's, where is the cat?

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Where is the cat?

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And this is, I was like, me to Blakely.

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Blakely: Oh,

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I

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lost my

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Ben: It is like, forcing

a hug on this cat.

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Rachel: That's okay.

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Ben: That's me.

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I've never actually hugged

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Rachel: Challenge accepted.

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Ben: no.

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No.

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Rachel: it,

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Blakely: I know, most

people make me eventually.

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Rachel: do it.

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There you go.

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go.

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Ben: is better than a I've, I've wrapped

her up into a big thing that, uh,

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Rachel: you, like

swaddle her or something?

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Ben: yeah.

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Blakely: It's like a web.

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Yes, a swaddle, like a web blanket.

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Ben: so

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so like we're talking

about the Enneagram, right?

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And being a two and I'm assuming, I think

the Enneagram is like core motivations

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going back a long time, right?

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So this is something that you've

been doing for yourself and for other

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people with other a very long time.

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Yeah.

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Rachel: Yeah.

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Ben: And when did you...

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Blakely: Because theoretically, based

on, like, the way that at least this book

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that I use describes the Enneagram types,

they break down sort of the essential

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truth that you lost sight of that kind

of sends you on this trajectory of

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the, the kind of warrior that we are to

get, to get through human life, right?

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And so what this one's saying

about too is that you lost sight

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of the fact that everyone's needs

are equally and freely met in the

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natural flow of giving and receiving.

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and instead began to believe that to get,

you must give and to be loved, you must

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be needed, and learn to get your personal

needs fulfilled by being needed and giving

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others what you felt they needed and

wanted so therefore your mission in life

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is to ensure that you infuse more of that

protective power into other people that

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they aren't getting in that unfair way.

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Which, in the way that we do kind

of this flow of our conversation,

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we do like to start in origins.

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Like, what were the tipping points of

you in your youth that sent you off

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on this path that what you needed to

make money at the end of the day was to

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put on your badge and go into the

hospital, which is what most of

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us are avoiding going to literally

every day that we're alive.

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Just really dial in and spend your

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time there.

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Ben: up.

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Rachel: alone oh

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yeah

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bring

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it on

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Blakely: Level up.

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Rachel: Come on.

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Um, I mean, I do.

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I, I love the hospital.

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It's gross.

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It's scary.

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It's blood.

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It's guts.

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It's heavy vulnerabilities.

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It's diagnoses that

sometimes you've heard of.

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Sometimes people just wipe

under the rug, but I don't know

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what it is about the hospital.

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It's something that is, everyone is

terrified to go to, whether you're

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a patient, whether you're a visitor.

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And I think that my wholeheartedness

just wanted to be that calming presence

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in pretty much everything I do.

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vulnerabilities, you see the real person

and I like building that opportunity

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to just see your true authentic self

and have you trust someone so easily.

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And I like that.

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Or working hard

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to have anybody to do that.

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When I found the vulnerabilities with

children's mental health, and then, I've

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worked in and out of Mother Baby, which...

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PRN because I was bored or wanting to

show leadership qualities because I

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was 21 with a master's degree and a

doughy eyed face that just wanted to

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help people because I'm blonde haired,

have dimples and look like I'm 12.

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and so when I have the enthusiasm that

I do or the sweethearted nature that

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I am, people often think that I'm 12

or asking if my mom knows where I am.

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and

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I'm

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like, Yeah,

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Blakely: And so that gets

misunderstood, and therefore, of

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course, like, um, underestimated.

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And so you're describing working in what

is, what in our city, so you've gone on a

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pathway of working with children who have

severe, um, severe emotional disturbance.

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And then, because that wasn't

challenging enough, you're talking about

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adding on a part time role, because

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Rachel: Because I'm crazy.

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Blakely: you know, shout out to all the

homies that can't do just one job to pay

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the bills in the field that we chose.

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We gotta do it at least 12 hours

a day to really fuck ourselves up

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and pay our bills.

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you were working in a safety

net hospital in our city,

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in, in, like, mother baby ward.

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So,

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Rachel: newborns...

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high issues, adoptions, drug

use, human trafficking, , high

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STDs, all sorts of things that Was

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me because it was something I

hadn't challenged myself with, which

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also helped me transition to a new

opportunity a local hospital in my

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Ben: the, what was the role?

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Rachel: social worker.

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Ben: social worker.

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Rachel: Mother Baby Department.

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Blakely: Okay, so you went

from like inner city safety net

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hospital to a more suburban...

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Rachel: But also like rural

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communities,

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Blakely: right.

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Because

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Rachel: a lot of

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Blakely: hospitals it's going to pull

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from Like, People suffer everywhere.

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Rachel: it's just either a prettier door

on the outside versus maybe not so much.

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That's working in...

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Ben: I did a lot of case management

throughout all the counties, all

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the surrounding counties and the.

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ones that I didn't like working

the most affluent places

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because there was more digging

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Rachel: needed.

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Blakely: more hidden.

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Ben: Yeah, there was more,

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Blakely: yeah.

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Well, and for us, there's so much bullshit

that we have to dig off of the top to

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get to what we really need to do and I

don't think a lot of us have a lot of

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patience with that because we already

go in knowing that that stuff is just

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bravado or just fluff or just fakeness.

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maybe

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I just don't have patience with fakeness.

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and

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Ben: Rachel, I'm curious if this is

sort of what you were getting at, but

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you were saying, when there's a lot

of vulnerability and meeting people in

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that high needs place, you get to see

who that person is and to, to get to

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a place of trust in that moment is To

me, what I heard you saying, or maybe

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what was just resonating inside of me,

was that it is, it is like life juice.

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Rachel: yeah.

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Ben: I mean, it's, it's like

a feeling of, of aliveness.

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Rachel: Oh yeah, in the hospital

you see everyone at their extremes.

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I mean, I tackled mother baby,

I had neuro, I had renal,

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and I had women's health.

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So...

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Blakely: cradle to grave, right?

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Like,

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the hospital is...

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And I think we talk about that

sometimes, like, we are infused into

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all of the spaces of life, especially in,

like, in the social work side of things.

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I'm biased I think social work is better

because we have a more varied skill set

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in those social system spaces, which

I think is actually societally where

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we need a devastating amount of help.

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and no one knows we're there and no one

knows how hard we work and no one knows.

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I mean, it's all very

kind of under the tide,

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Rachel: And it always captures like

a negative connotation when you

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identify yourself as a social worker

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because, oh yeah, that is one thing that

would eat at my soul as someone that

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advocates for the smallest of us is how

many babies have you taken away today?

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And I'm like, none.

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How many babies have you taken away ever?

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None.

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So that would eat at my

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core and that

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Ben: cause the stereotype is

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Rachel: for

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everyone.

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Ben: worker just takes

kids from their parents.

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Rachel: But it didn't talk about all the

work I did with postpartum depression.

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Blakely: Right.

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Rachel: Linking

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Blakely: all the

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Rachel: supports, you know.

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Right.

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Or, hey, I just had a baby, but I want

to give this baby up for adoption,

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but I'm discharging in 24 hours.

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Figure it out.

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By the way, it's 7.

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30 p.

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m.

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and I was supposed to leave at 4.

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30 p.

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m.

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to pick up my kids,

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Ben: and I want to push back Blakely is

poking fun at the social work therapy

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Rachel: Ha ha!

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Ben: Differences.

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but 'I'm gonna pushed back on that

because we're friends and despite

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the differences between the two

of us, I'm not a social worker.

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I don't really want to be a social worker.

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I never tried to be a social worker

and ended up doing lots of right?

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And, and the idea of this whole,

separateness between all of us

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bothers me because We don't look

at the things that are the same.

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We look at the things that are different,

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when it becomes a competition, I can no

longer lean on you to go, Hey, I need your

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Right?

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Like say, I need resources

for the community.

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I know exactly who I need Because you

love getting all that stuff together.

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you're a resource So, anyways,

with all of that, it's just

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like, we all, I feel like, have

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desire to help, and the more we connect

on are able know, spread the, the stress

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throughout, but we need some I just want

to push back on that, because I feel like,

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you helped

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me through COVID so It was like three or

four hours a week we were hanging out.

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Blakely: Yeah, it was on

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Zoom.

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On

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Ben: Zoom.

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Blakely: are we gonna

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do?

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Just How do

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we get through this?

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to a lot more, um, with

the baby taking reputation.

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the thing that I'm saying that I won't

let be stepped on there is a greater

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divide between what's understood and

appreciated societally about us, which is.

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We're baby takers in the middle of the

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night.

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We come and steal your babies.

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Rachel: Anything with

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Blakely: And what we actually do and

can do in the potential of our field

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to change the entire fucking world.

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If cops would get out of the fucking way.

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Let's put our guns down and

actually solve some fuckin problems.

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But this is what I'm not trying

to get salty about today.

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My darker thoughts need to be put away

like our, our combined horoscope said.

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That is what I have to say

before I can pack it up.

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And you're totally right.

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:

Because I was not taught how to

therapy, and most of us end up in

425

:

Ben: Right.

426

:

Right.

427

:

Blakely: the wrong chair.

428

:

Ben: Ha ha ha, right, right.

429

:

yeah, for sure.

430

:

I agree with all of

431

:

I

432

:

agree

433

:

with all of

434

:

The um,

435

:

Blakely: take us back in time...

436

:

Ben: yeah, take us back in time.

437

:

Blakely: What brought you to the shit?

438

:

Why did you decide social work?

439

:

Rachel: Um...

440

:

again,

441

:

I'm always the Island of Misfit

Toys, I'm the Saving Grace,

442

:

I'm the mom of all my friends,

443

:

Ben: you remember when you chose?

444

:

Rachel: I think I fell

into social work, honestly.

445

:

I was, , gonna be a marriage

and family therapist.

446

:

I kinda just knew the mediation

aspect, the, you know, being

447

:

a positive support for people.

448

:

I did it all day, every day,

might as well get paid for it.

449

:

Might as well do a deeper dive to

something I was naturally good at, cause

450

:

you have a problem, come to Rachel.

451

:

within my friends, within my

family, just calm presence, make you

452

:

smile, feel comfortable and maybe

find a solution, maybe just vent.

453

:

And , my friends already knew that

once you stick with me, it stays there.

454

:

Like I'm not going to have fun with

your drama and use it against you.

455

:

Totally could,

456

:

but you know, I can be

457

:

a little ornery.

458

:

but

459

:

you know, the passive aggressive

adorableness could come out, But,

460

:

so I was naturally just

good at it I liked it.

461

:

Ben: naturally just you find out?

462

:

Blakely: Yeah, how did you find out

463

:

Rachel: Um, I think I just had a lot

of drama within my friends group.

464

:

Um, growing up and was lucky

enough to not really feed into

465

:

a lot of it and just be there.

466

:

Blakely: but that doesn't sound like luck.

467

:

Rachel: I, I don't know.

468

:

Blakely: I don't

469

:

Rachel: I don't know if that's lucky.

470

:

Blakely: because I think

you're talking about something

471

:

that happens as an adolescent girl, right?

472

:

Like when all the shit starts to happen

and everybody starts going different

473

:

directions and making different choices

474

:

Rachel: Oh, I was the goody, nerdy,

475

:

adorable, sweet hearted,

476

:

Blakely: kind

477

:

at some point.

478

:

Rachel: probably to a fault, and...

479

:

Blakely: yeah.

480

:

And you find, you end up finding

yourself in the midst of all of this.

481

:

Oh, I'm the anchor.

482

:

I'm the one who has, yeah, I'm

the one who's standing on the

483

:

Rachel: grounded.

484

:

Blakely: are floating around acting

485

:

wild.

486

:

Rachel: as long as you own your decisions,

there's no judgments, but if you...

487

:

If you feed into the drama, but

you don't be your true authentic

488

:

self, then I don't like that.

489

:

And so I had a lot of

friends that would...

490

:

Do some things.

491

:

Blakely: is an oasis in

492

:

Rachel: Oh yeah.

493

:

I was lame

494

:

and I liked it that

495

:

way.

496

:

I think my mother did too because when

I did children's mental health, I'd

497

:

be, I'd walk in passive aggressively

to my parents home that I didn't

498

:

live in and I'd say I was wonderful.

499

:

And then I just

500

:

slammed the door.

501

:

and leave it.

502

:

Or the first time I called my mom

from like jail for juvenile detention

503

:

that I was there visiting or.

504

:

doing things with patients.

505

:

I'd be like, I went to jail today.

506

:

Bye mom.

507

:

And just seeing how her sass would

be like, the first time you did it

508

:

was funny slash not, but now she's

just like, okay, have fun at jail.

509

:

So, oh yeah, I had a

pretty enthusiastic family.

510

:

I always say that I am the

wet blanket of all of them.

511

:

Yet I'm so loud, annoying and sweethearted

because their enthusiasm, their quick

512

:

witty bit banter is just infectiously

contagious and it's frustrating.

513

:

Trying to get a word in edgewise,

so I'm always the boring one.

514

:

and then when you spend time

with me, you're like, you're

515

:

Blakely: you're the dull one.

516

:

Rachel: but it's like, but

then you meet the rest of my

517

:

family and they're like, yeah, you

518

:

are boring.

519

:

Blakely: Is this like,

520

:

a big family?

521

:

Rachel: just big

522

:

Blakely: Well, Yah, because you're

describing like a big energy, like how

523

:

many people are

524

:

creating this vortex.

525

:

Rachel: I have one sister,

and then my mother is very...

526

:

ornery.

527

:

Blakely: Yeah, I have a

larger than life mother too.

528

:

Rachel: Oh yeah, she's

everyone's favorite.

529

:

She's everyone's

530

:

go to, just because she wants

you to feel comfortable, too.

531

:

and so she'll strive to do that

532

:

Or

533

:

everybody wants her.

534

:

We call her by her first name,

like, when we talk about her,

535

:

I call her mom to her face.

536

:

But,

537

:

name's Donna.

538

:

Like, have you ever met a very

plain, sweethearted Donna?

539

:

Yeah,

540

:

they're usually kind of fun,

541

:

quirky,

542

:

Blakely: Oh yeah.

543

:

Rachel: in the best way

544

:

possible, loud.

545

:

proud of it, but

546

:

still

547

:

not know

548

:

what

549

:

that means.

550

:

Yeah, she's just at high

expectations of anything.

551

:

I mean, again, with some sass

552

:

and some personality.

553

:

Ben: So, am I understanding

right that you...

554

:

when I do

555

:

Rachel: I know what you're going to do?

556

:

Blakely: Just go

557

:

with it.

558

:

Rachel: go with it.

559

:

Blakely: expression that

560

:

usually means we're going somewhere.

561

:

Rachel: He's going to take it.

562

:

He's going to deep dive

563

:

now.

564

:

Blakely: and he's gonna put it over

565

:

Rachel: and

566

:

then reframe it

567

:

Then make you like, show off

your true vulnerable self.

568

:

And then be like, I don't want to

phrase it that way, but it came out just

569

:

word vomit.

570

:

And now you're going to

make it philosophical.

571

:

Blakely: cute, but...

572

:

Rachel: But like there's, then

he's going to say something like,

573

:

Oh, high expectations, or are you

just wanting to be the achiever

574

:

in life and make your mom happy?

575

:

I'm waiting.

576

:

You usually say it prettier than

this, but I'm just being sassy.

577

:

Blakely: that makes you feel good about

578

:

Rachel: I know.

579

:

Blakely: Have you forgotten

yet what you were going to say?

580

:

Rachel: Please do.

581

:

Ben: Is that what you're

trying to do for me??

582

:

Me

583

:

Blakely: No, I'm just...

584

:

Ben: trying to distract me?

585

:

Blakely: I get to be not poked

out when we do interviews.

586

:

Like, I'm not, I don't have

to be the ugly V- word.

587

:

Someone else does, so.

588

:

Vulnerable, but it makes

me feel like a victim.

589

:

Rachel: Like, I do like

590

:

words.

591

:

Ben: Well, okay.

592

:

I want to cuss at both of

593

:

Rachel: the social

594

:

worker.

595

:

Blakely: Right.

596

:

Ben: feel like I've owned this before of

597

:

like, I

598

:

Rachel: Naturally.

599

:

Go Ben, go.

600

:

But I know it's gonna happen too.

601

:

Blakely: I know.

602

:

Ben: okay, I'm just curious if

I'm understanding this right,

603

:

that you're the quiet one of your

604

:

family,

605

:

Rachel: Correct.

606

:

Correct.

607

:

Ben: There's two meanings

608

:

to

609

:

this,

610

:

Blakely: think?

611

:

Ben: you're the quiet one.

612

:

Rachel: one?

613

:

You're the quiet one?

614

:

Damn.

615

:

Yeah, she

616

:

Ben: Damn.

617

:

Rachel: my family, which is...

618

:

I

619

:

Ben: Yeah, I'm the quiet one of my family.

620

:

Which is like...

621

:

I don't know, I don't know that I

622

:

was...

623

:

Blakely: to talk,

624

:

Rachel: You like to

625

:

Blakely: just anything.

626

:

Ben: No, no, no, no.

627

:

It's got to have a point.

628

:

Yeah.

629

:

Yeah.

630

:

small talk.

631

:

Small talk is really hard for

632

:

Rachel: Oh, I could

633

:

just make time go

634

:

by.

635

:

Ben: so I can relate to being the

quiet one, and having a hard time

636

:

getting a word in edgewise, but also

not wanting to take the spotlight,

637

:

because I feel, I have

always felt somewhat selfish.

638

:

if I

639

:

take the spotlight, I don't know if

that's something that you can relate to.

640

:

Rachel: I don't like, I hate that

being the center of attention.

641

:

I like watching other people shine and I

want to help them get there, but I also am

642

:

naturally someone that would put someone

on a pedestal, whether they should be

643

:

there or not, to help lift them up in

the mistake of maybe putting myself down.

644

:

Ben: I hate that

645

:

being

646

:

the center of maybe

647

:

Rachel: Oh, for sure.

648

:

Ben: Very, very quiet really hard to

like take up any space in any room.

649

:

I don't know, I feel like that was,

that was a training ground in some ways

650

:

to like bring me to this kind of work.

651

:

but also

652

:

it's this mixture of, of.

653

:

being willing to give other people

space, but also I've had incredible

654

:

amount of time to see other people's

pain and see through bullshit because I

655

:

just observed, I would have times of,

really intense focus where I I would

656

:

think over and over and over what's

happening in my family, what's happening

657

:

and I was in my head all the time.

658

:

anyways.

659

:

learning to give other people space or

just not even having to learn is just sort

660

:

of natural, but also learning to take up

space to be the helper and to do that in

661

:

a strategic way was, incredibly meaningful

to learn what I'm good at, and do it

662

:

on purpose, in a compassionate way.

663

:

We're talking like, life transformation

stuff for me own who I am, own

664

:

what I like, own that I have a

relational emotional intelligence

665

:

that I can use to help people get

to a place that their life's better.

666

:

And that's sort of what.

667

:

I, like, okay, I'm me, I'm

gonna take us down to, like,

668

:

a really emotional, meaningful

669

:

place, and...

670

:

Rachel: it's

671

:

gonna

672

:

happen.

673

:

Blakely: has one of those

buttons that takes the

674

:

bottom out from under you.

675

:

They just fall into the pit of

676

:

who knows what.

677

:

Ben: It's gonna happen.

678

:

Elevator.

679

:

I like to be!

680

:

Rachel: I've

681

:

Blakely: I've

682

:

been catching up way late.

683

:

I've been catching up on

season four of Stranger Things,

684

:

and this just has me, like

685

:

Ben, likes to shove us into

the upside down, doesn't he?

686

:

He's like,

687

:

what's over there?

688

:

Rachel: Let's go.

689

:

Let's go.

690

:

Blakely: But I think that we're, we're

dancing around something that I don't

691

:

know that I've put to words before.

692

:

And that's, and I wonder if you've had

some of the experiences about this,

693

:

because when we start to really look at

694

:

Rachel: him on mute for a second.

695

:

Come on!

696

:

Blakely: Follow me.

697

:

Cause I'm going somewhere good.

698

:

I swear.

699

:

no, no.

700

:

What I'm thinking about

while we're talking is.

701

:

In this origin story thing that we do to

go back to what were the pivot points,

702

:

what were the, the characteristics,

what were the things where I realized,

703

:

like, there's something about me, right?

704

:

And I think we started early on a

lot of the time to realize that we

705

:

make other people uncomfortable with

our tendencies and our instincts.

706

:

And even while comforting

people, there's a lot of...

707

:

Discomfort.

708

:

Like, the fact that you have this, like,

rapid eject button to go to, like, deep,

709

:

dark, vulnerable place

710

:

Ben: You

711

:

Rachel: too.

712

:

Your words are great that

713

:

Blakely: many of us are

terrified of, you're just not.

714

:

Like, I hate

715

:

vulnerability for myself.

716

:

There's a reason I sit where I sit.

717

:

Like, I think I know all the shit.

718

:

And I'm not good at taking it home.

719

:

and

720

:

so

721

:

Rachel: and

722

:

Blakely: and so I just,

723

:

Ben: I

724

:

do all

725

:

Blakely: I

726

:

just wonder about Those

times that we realize like

727

:

I'm not supposed to be like this

I'm not I'm the wet blanket.

728

:

I'm the obnoxious one.

729

:

I'm the the big baby like

730

:

whatever our thing is

731

:

Ben: I'm the

732

:

sensitive Ben.

733

:

Blakely: turned

734

:

Ben: Ben.

735

:

Blakely: and we've decided to say

fuck that I'm gonna do something with

736

:

Rachel: for this

737

:

Blakely: because you people don't

have this and I do So what is

738

:

Rachel: See, you were talking

about going to the uncomfortable.

739

:

It's uncomfortable to be in

the chair to be the helper.

740

:

I think it's a prerequisite to

be comfortable with all of that.

741

:

Blakely: 'cause Ben and I have talked

about this, this metaphor of us going

742

:

toward the flames when everyone else

is running outta the burning building.

743

:

I think that's what you're talking about.

744

:

Like why?

745

:

Why are we so wary of messy Uhhuh

746

:

Rachel: Everything's messy.

747

:

let's just go.

748

:

Come

749

:

Blakely: we think we are so like it's

this, it's the human like myth, right?

750

:

That we are so highly evolved that we

are clean creatures, that we don't, we

751

:

don't have survival instincts in the same

ways that animals do, but we're still.

752

:

fucking animals and we are filthy bags

of meat just traipsing around creating

753

:

some kind of meaning from our existence

because we're the only creatures

754

:

who are aware that we are, we could

755

:

Ben: who aware This is...

756

:

Blakely: go ahead, did you want to,

757

:

Ben: Okay, for

758

:

like weeks,

759

:

Blakely: so I wasn't over the trap door

760

:

Ben: for weeks I've been

asking people for real

761

:

feedback.

762

:

I just got

763

:

it.

764

:

And, I felt defensive and liked it.

765

:

Blakely: Hm.

766

:

Ben: it made me laugh,

767

:

Blakely: This is also very me because

I'm not really sure what I said that was

768

:

so, like, intense.

769

:

you've asked me for this on

demand, and I'm like, I don't But

770

:

apparently I've done it today, so,

771

:

Ben: But apparently I've done

772

:

it emotional stuff is something that

I live with and you putting words to

773

:

it of People don't like it, and it's

threatening to people, and we shouldn't

774

:

be the way that we are kind of thing.

775

:

Like, like I have felt that

instinctually for a long time.

776

:

You said something like...

777

:

I don't know.

778

:

The big baby.

779

:

Blakely: Yeah.

780

:

Ben: you said that.

781

:

Like,

782

:

that's something

783

:

Rachel: before about myself too, so

784

:

Ben: I don't remember any one person

calling me a big baby, but it's been

785

:

in the background of my existence for

a very long And it's not, I think part

786

:

of this, the whole journey of becoming

a therapist has been me learning

787

:

that what I do is actually quite

788

:

Blakely: It's unusual.

789

:

It's not

790

:

wrong.

791

:

Rachel: that you are doing something

unusual and that you're allowing

792

:

yourself to be there for that person

793

:

Ben: Well, and, yeah, like running,

running toward the thing that's

794

:

uncomfortable and wanting right?

795

:

like knowing that I'm not trying, like,

I think the stereotype is to think that a

796

:

therapist wants to emotionally manipulate,

797

:

Where I know that

Vulnerability is connecting us

798

:

deeper,

799

:

It's creating connections in a

way that I mean, it's incredible.

800

:

I don't know, like, knowing the value

of that and knowing how to use that to

801

:

not, that can make people's lives better.

802

:

to, I don't know, get to that place is

803

:

Blakely: Well,

804

:

and for me in pointing this out,

it's so striking because I feel,

805

:

I feel different within different.

806

:

I feel very different from most

of the other helpers in the

807

:

kind of personality I have.

808

:

that's just a different brand of the same

shit that we're all drawn in by being

809

:

the weird kids in the ways that we are.

810

:

We're emotionally weirdos.

811

:

So, and that's, like I said, it's unusual.

812

:

It's not wrong.

813

:

Society gives all unusual

messaging that it's wrong.

814

:

Rachel: Because you're

815

:

talking about being the big baby and

816

:

I'm

817

:

like,

818

:

Do it.

819

:

Right.

820

:

Like, be your baby self.

821

:

Go for it.

822

:

Because you're trying really

hard to be there for someone

823

:

else and why not be the big baby?

824

:

Blakely: and it's gotten you to be

who you are supposed to be anyway.

825

:

Ben: Yeah, I I have no regrets

826

:

I actually like myself more

now than I really ever have.

827

:

proud of me.

828

:

Blakely: of it.

829

:

You're the biggest baby you've ever been.

830

:

Right.

831

:

Ben: mean, I'm like the

832

:

smartest baby.

833

:

I'm the smartest baby I've ever been.

834

:

Blakely: yeah.

835

:

Ben: Like, yeah, but like,

836

:

Blakely: But my point is, like,

just leaning into these things

837

:

that are allegedly wrongness, we

end up being a better version.

838

:

Ben: better

839

:

Blakely: Because it's the actual authentic

840

:

Ben: truth.

841

:

I'm

842

:

Blakely: I'm really fucking annoying.

843

:

Ben: your

844

:

Blakely: what?

845

:

Rachel: Right?

846

:

And it's been a strength.

847

:

And it's been a

848

:

strict, I, yeah, girl, be your

849

:

annoying self.

850

:

Blakely: it's worked out for

851

:

Rachel: thing someone can say

is that you're authentically

852

:

annoying cause you tried too hard.

853

:

Okay.

854

:

Spread that rumor.

855

:

Blakely: All that's gonna do is keep

away people I don't want to be around

856

:

anyway.

857

:

Rachel: it's like you smile too much.

858

:

Okay.

859

:

Ben: Yeah.

860

:

Blakely: I laugh too loud.

861

:

My big girl laugh gets in the way.

862

:

Ben: No, like I can see.

863

:

I think what I what what resonates

for me when you say you're different

864

:

within different is there's the

typical kind of helper We were

865

:

talking about with the number twos,

866

:

like the Enneagram

867

:

Blakely: Lots of twos, lots of empathy

868

:

on their StrengthsFinder.

869

:

Lots of, yeah.

870

:

Ben: yours is more strategic thinking

871

:

and

872

:

Blakely: 10.

873

:

Ben: oriented.

874

:

Blakely: Yes.

875

:

Yours

876

:

Ben: more anger

877

:

oriented.

878

:

Yeah, exactly.

879

:

And what I have absorbed from you.

880

:

Is, embracing anger more often and

using it for good, so that difference

881

:

within difference to me is like,

other side of the coin because you

882

:

care about people as much as I do.

883

:

But my anger turns toward

a deep sense of sadness.

884

:

Blakely: Yeah.

885

:

Ben: like you were saying, a while ago.

886

:

I can't remember which episode,

but it was, fire is also

887

:

cleansing just like water.

888

:

Blakely: And I think we're surrounded

with a lot of water energy.

889

:

Mm hmm.

890

:

and

891

:

I do tend to have a little bit more fire

892

:

Ben: on the pipe.

893

:

Yeah.

894

:

So they get

895

:

to

896

:

Blakely: they get to the same place.

897

:

And that's what, these last couple of

years that I pulled out of the very

898

:

toxic work environment that we all

shared, what I've realized is I've paid

899

:

attention to myself more than I ever have.

900

:

I spent a long time being

a really good student.

901

:

I spent a long time being a

really good social worker.

902

:

I spent a long time being a really good,

assessor and therapist and crisis manager.

903

:

But now I'm

904

:

paying more attention to myself,

and those things are just

905

:

coming together in a better way.

906

:

Ben: and those And when we, when we're

sitting here talking about self care or

907

:

community care or whatever the hell, it is

uh, so, Danielle from last She used this

908

:

term, othering, and I liked it because

I use othering, I use, I say, I say this

909

:

as objectifying, when she says othering,

that's what you're saying with like the,

910

:

the uniqueness, the unique qualities,

the unusual qualities, it's push away.

911

:

You are not included if you do

not conform and that's what I was

912

:

saying earlier I feel othered in the

discussions around ethics and where

913

:

I am not doing enough and I don't

want to put lipstick on a pig and

914

:

call it something new, I don't want

to come out with a self cared manual.

915

:

And sell that.

916

:

I don't think it's going to work,

but my community of reaching out to

917

:

my friends and asking my friends to

come have a conversation where we

918

:

can actually be real and actually

discuss like, what does this look like?

919

:

Because I think it's relationships.

920

:

during COVID, the thing that kept

me afloat was the people that I

921

:

loved and who cared for that was it.

922

:

Even if I had to do it over Zoom.

923

:

And I I absolutely love my family,

but they don't know what I do.

924

:

They

925

:

don't know where I put my heart every day.

926

:

They don't know what my heart goes

through it's lonely and fucked all that

927

:

self-care shit.

928

:

How am I supposed to take care

of myself when I'm in pain and

929

:

I'm the one that's exhausted but

I'm supposed to do another thing?

930

:

No, I need help.

931

:

don't want to go pay a ton of

money for another therapy session.

932

:

I've already had that this week.

933

:

Blakely: it's like we're

being sent to the mechanic.

934

:

We're

935

:

malfunctioning.

936

:

We're misfiring.

937

:

And we need to get that patched up so

we can get back to the work to keep,

938

:

Rachel: Other people

939

:

Blakely: to keep the

940

:

right, to keep the hurting people out

of the sight line of the not hurting

941

:

people apparently.

942

:

Right.

943

:

as we're going through this

and talking about the really

944

:

uncomfortable pieces especially,

945

:

You

946

:

say you fell into social work and

it suited you really well and it

947

:

sounds like you spent those first

several years doing some really

948

:

intense on the ground learning.

949

:

Can you remember when you ran into

that first day that you didn't

950

:

know if you could do it anymore?

951

:

That you didn't know if you had

chosen quote unquote correctly?

952

:

That you didn't know if the trajectory

of how this was going to go in a

953

:

lifespan of career, if that was

going to be sustainable for you?

954

:

And what, happened

955

:

keep you there?

956

:

Because you're still

957

:

Rachel: Yeah.

958

:

Oh, I'm still doing it.

959

:

Um,

960

:

Blakely: But we assume

those dark days have

961

:

happened.

962

:

Rachel: sure.

963

:

But I also am the queen of a free framing.

964

:

So even if it's manipulating

myself at times Yeah.

965

:

Of like, this is just a day,

this is just the worst day,

966

:

but like, tomorrow's better.

967

:

I always say I had to relearn to.

968

:

kids

969

:

to have kids.

970

:

so that came from the result

of having to get out of it.

971

:

And I don't know if that was a burnout

risk cause it's easier to call it burnout.

972

:

It's easy to call it compassion fatigue

when you look back on it, but when

973

:

you're experiencing it wholeheartedly.

974

:

In the moments, in the trenches,

in the big deep, you just

975

:

think it's a really crummy day.

976

:

That, you know, I'm going to take off

the next day, or I'm going to cancel

977

:

an appointment, or I'm going to go

do something else for 20 minutes and

978

:

allow, just allow myself to just be.

979

:

Blakely: Having a snack

when you're spiritually

980

:

starving.

981

:

Rachel: or, you know, I'm going to be

982

:

Ben: Ranked

983

:

Rachel: minutes

984

:

late.

985

:

Ugh,

986

:

I'm not even going to

987

:

process

988

:

that on purpose, because I don't

want to feed into that either.

989

:

Because I

990

:

like to eat my feelings.

991

:

Ben: Yep, I

992

:

know.

993

:

She just hit the button.

994

:

Blakely: Succinct.

995

:

Ben: Oh, shut the fuck up.

996

:

Rachel: But

997

:

yeah,

998

:

I

999

:

Blakely: also what people

don't like about me.

:

00:38:35,594 --> 00:38:36,734

Rachel: That's why I just keep going.

:

00:38:36,890 --> 00:38:38,680

Ben: That was like a, just

a little shove down the

:

00:38:38,694 --> 00:38:38,834

Rachel: mm

:

00:38:39,328 --> 00:38:39,488

Blakely: Keep

:

00:38:39,550 --> 00:38:41,200

Ben: where I'm like, I'll

go down there with you.

:

00:38:41,504 --> 00:38:42,404

Rachel: You're like, pick me!

:

00:38:42,434 --> 00:38:42,924

I'm right here.

:

00:38:42,988 --> 00:38:43,397

Blakely: I wanna go!

:

00:38:43,397 --> 00:38:43,806

I wanna go!

:

00:38:43,806 --> 00:38:44,488

You don't push the elevator

:

00:38:44,549 --> 00:38:44,934

Rachel: Pick me.

:

00:38:45,174 --> 00:38:46,154

I'll push the elevator button.

:

00:38:46,174 --> 00:38:46,454

Like.

:

00:38:46,960 --> 00:38:50,700

Ben: So you're, I'm the guy that's

:

00:38:50,700 --> 00:38:51,960

riding the elevator up and

:

00:38:51,960 --> 00:38:52,210

down.

:

00:38:52,484 --> 00:38:52,664

Rachel: floor.

:

00:38:52,664 --> 00:38:53,204

I'm here.

:

00:38:53,244 --> 00:38:53,744

I'm here.

:

00:38:53,744 --> 00:38:54,274

I'm ready.

:

00:38:54,760 --> 00:38:56,120

Ben: pick pick my elevator.

:

00:38:56,426 --> 00:38:57,742

Blakely: He always pushes the basement

:

00:38:57,742 --> 00:38:57,952

though.

:

00:38:58,439 --> 00:38:59,039

Rachel: it's always

:

00:38:59,059 --> 00:38:59,079

the

:

00:38:59,079 --> 00:38:59,429

basement.

:

00:38:59,459 --> 00:39:00,249

It's never like

:

00:39:00,249 --> 00:39:00,489

top

:

00:39:00,499 --> 00:39:00,659

four.

:

00:39:00,850 --> 00:39:04,310

Ben: you down the shaft

just, whoo, see ya.

:

00:39:04,420 --> 00:39:04,750

So you

:

00:39:04,750 --> 00:39:04,840

were

:

00:39:04,850 --> 00:39:06,900

having a snack, you're having

:

00:39:06,900 --> 00:39:08,810

a snack, when you're spiritually starving,

:

00:39:09,424 --> 00:39:09,454

Rachel: off.

:

00:39:09,767 --> 00:39:11,237

Blakely: And having a

bad day, taking a day

:

00:39:11,544 --> 00:39:12,494

Rachel: Food for the soul.

:

00:39:12,704 --> 00:39:13,204

Whatever.

:

00:39:14,234 --> 00:39:14,524

Re

:

00:39:14,524 --> 00:39:14,764

framing.

:

00:39:14,784 --> 00:39:15,974

So, it's

:

00:39:15,974 --> 00:39:16,174

just

:

00:39:16,174 --> 00:39:16,224

a

:

00:39:16,224 --> 00:39:17,044

crap day.

:

00:39:17,104 --> 00:39:17,704

I mean,

:

00:39:17,880 --> 00:39:18,770

Ben: can do it, you can keep

:

00:39:18,824 --> 00:39:22,914

Rachel: Right, and that might

just be shopping on Indeed that

:

00:39:22,914 --> 00:39:25,474

day of just, what's out there?

:

00:39:25,544 --> 00:39:28,944

Or hey, what could I be better at

because I secretly hate everything

:

00:39:29,034 --> 00:39:31,284

ever and then some and I don't

want to be around people anymore.

:

00:39:32,094 --> 00:39:33,764

Because that's usually my

passive aggressive is like,

:

00:39:33,764 --> 00:39:34,804

I'll just go shopping on Indeed.

:

00:39:34,804 --> 00:39:35,284

What's out there?

:

00:39:35,294 --> 00:39:35,884

Nothing great.

:

00:39:35,894 --> 00:39:37,234

Okay, I'm just going to stick with the

:

00:39:37,234 --> 00:39:38,794

crap and mess I've created.

:

00:39:38,898 --> 00:39:39,421

of perspective taking.

:

00:39:39,421 --> 00:39:41,018

Where am I?

:

00:39:41,018 --> 00:39:44,013

think you're also almost

like you have a natural

:

00:39:44,013 --> 00:39:44,413

sense of

:

00:39:45,135 --> 00:39:45,306

Blakely: check.

:

00:39:45,336 --> 00:39:46,546

I think you're also talking

about something that's

:

00:39:46,546 --> 00:39:47,786

really valuable in that...

:

00:39:48,005 --> 00:39:49,585

It's almost like you have

a natural sense of...

:

00:39:49,709 --> 00:39:51,969

Mindfulness, like, a bad

day isn't a bad life.

:

00:39:51,979 --> 00:39:52,139

Like,

:

00:39:52,316 --> 00:39:52,626

Rachel: Like, kind of

:

00:39:52,626 --> 00:39:52,656

that

:

00:39:52,899 --> 00:39:53,949

Blakely: thing keeping you going.

:

00:39:54,059 --> 00:39:57,079

Like, if today is so bad, then what

are the odds tomorrow will be this bad?

:

00:39:57,169 --> 00:39:57,649

Whoa!

:

00:39:57,849 --> 00:39:58,349

Okay.

:

00:39:58,957 --> 00:39:59,172

Ben: so bad, tomorrow will be

:

00:40:03,011 --> 00:40:03,611

Rachel: I'm done.

:

00:40:03,771 --> 00:40:05,831

Like, I will not allow myself to do that.

:

00:40:06,286 --> 00:40:08,976

Do I not listen to

myself and do it anyways?

:

00:40:09,016 --> 00:40:09,936

Oh, for sure.

:

00:40:10,226 --> 00:40:14,496

Or do I go home with all these terrible

thoughts and feelings and see my sweet

:

00:40:14,496 --> 00:40:17,794

husband and children and I'm like, I still

feel crummy, I hate everything, but like,

:

00:40:17,816 --> 00:40:20,096

I have to perform for you until I can...

:

00:40:20,891 --> 00:40:24,801

Just be, um, or I'm not, I'm

choosing not to share things with

:

00:40:24,811 --> 00:40:28,941

my adorable husband because I want

to keep him thinking everything is

:

00:40:29,001 --> 00:40:30,461

wonderful, sunshine and rainbows,

:

00:40:30,461 --> 00:40:31,671

and that people are great.

:

00:40:32,111 --> 00:40:33,761

Because, right,

:

00:40:34,261 --> 00:40:34,441

Of

:

00:40:34,441 --> 00:40:36,281

course, because I want

to keep him that way.

:

00:40:36,445 --> 00:40:36,985

Blakely: dark stuff is

:

00:40:37,865 --> 00:40:37,895

Oh yeah.

:

00:40:37,895 --> 00:40:38,105

It's like

:

00:40:38,561 --> 00:40:38,821

Rachel: because it's

:

00:40:38,917 --> 00:40:38,967

Ben: dark

:

00:40:38,971 --> 00:40:40,441

Rachel: if I'm a dark cloud,

then I'm going to rain all

:

00:40:40,441 --> 00:40:41,401

over your parade and then,

:

00:40:41,577 --> 00:40:41,787

Ben: and then, um,

:

00:40:41,811 --> 00:40:44,741

Rachel: and then your

cute, adorable self is just

:

00:40:44,805 --> 00:40:45,050

Blakely: That is just going

:

00:40:45,081 --> 00:40:45,681

Rachel: to...

:

00:40:46,452 --> 00:40:46,722

Ben: Yeah.

:

00:40:46,812 --> 00:40:47,142

Be

:

00:40:47,142 --> 00:40:48,307

the burnt, crispy.

:

00:40:48,565 --> 00:40:50,695

Blakely: And the last thing we

want to do is spread more poison

:

00:40:50,741 --> 00:40:51,121

Rachel: Right.

:

00:40:51,255 --> 00:40:51,905

Blakely: that we love.

:

00:40:51,905 --> 00:40:52,045

Like,

:

00:40:52,201 --> 00:40:52,681

Rachel: Oh yeah.

:

00:40:53,395 --> 00:40:53,795

Blakely: love.

:

00:40:54,481 --> 00:40:55,631

Rachel: I did that on purpose.

:

00:40:55,651 --> 00:40:58,471

I did, like I picked him

on purpose for myself.

:

00:40:58,511 --> 00:40:59,661

And I was like, you're sweet.

:

00:40:59,961 --> 00:41:00,811

You're adorable.

:

00:41:01,121 --> 00:41:04,151

You have blind faith in the world.

:

00:41:04,361 --> 00:41:05,621

And that it's going to be pretty.

:

00:41:05,631 --> 00:41:06,931

And that it's going to be wonderful.

:

00:41:06,931 --> 00:41:08,661

And people are going to choose great.

:

00:41:09,431 --> 00:41:13,961

And I'd rather hold on to that

complete fuller opposite at times.

:

00:41:14,501 --> 00:41:15,431

So that he can have that life.

:

00:41:16,171 --> 00:41:16,641

Go for him.

:

00:41:16,721 --> 00:41:19,441

I want to instill that in my kids,

but I want them to be smart about it.

:

00:41:20,201 --> 00:41:23,191

And be aware of it, but

then choose their own world.

:

00:41:23,571 --> 00:41:25,401

Create their own world

in a world that sucks.

:

00:41:25,785 --> 00:41:28,305

Blakely: Oh, 'cause creating a

balance for a whole new generation of

:

00:41:28,428 --> 00:41:29,205

human when you've

:

00:41:29,221 --> 00:41:29,921

Rachel: is the hardest

:

00:41:29,973 --> 00:41:30,531

job I've ever

:

00:41:30,705 --> 00:41:32,210

Blakely: the deep, dark,

spooky places makes

:

00:41:32,281 --> 00:41:32,751

Rachel: Oh yeah.

:

00:41:32,991 --> 00:41:35,661

But then I'm also,

bring it on little girl.

:

00:41:35,671 --> 00:41:35,931

Like,

:

00:41:37,091 --> 00:41:37,291

I, bring

:

00:41:37,291 --> 00:41:37,401

it

:

00:41:37,401 --> 00:41:37,781

on,

:

00:41:37,851 --> 00:41:38,361

like

:

00:41:38,591 --> 00:41:39,091

scare

:

00:41:39,091 --> 00:41:39,571

me.

:

00:41:39,701 --> 00:41:40,621

Try.

:

00:41:41,381 --> 00:41:41,991

Or I'm like...

:

00:41:42,494 --> 00:41:47,318

So, yeah, but I mean, there's also

other things because I just want to

:

00:41:47,318 --> 00:41:51,098

keep my world great and if I can close

that off to the things that are not so

:

00:41:51,098 --> 00:41:55,178

great that I allow myself to be a part

of too, because it's, it's choices.

:

00:41:55,298 --> 00:41:59,358

Everything boils down to a choice

and you can reframe it beautifully.

:

00:42:00,333 --> 00:42:03,393

I can also reframe it in the opposite

direction and challenge myself and

:

00:42:03,443 --> 00:42:09,043

make mindfulness games or something

to create fun, to create a puzzle, to

:

00:42:09,053 --> 00:42:13,699

make it a game as a way of protecting

myself at times, to make it a game and

:

00:42:13,699 --> 00:42:15,429

make it maybe not real in that moment.

:

00:42:15,706 --> 00:42:18,325

Ben: much of that, uh, just

having this thought of like how

:

00:42:18,325 --> 00:42:20,295

much, uh, how often I do that

:

00:42:21,185 --> 00:42:22,935

be able, I do

:

00:42:22,935 --> 00:42:27,735

that often to not feel the

feeling, to not get overwhelmed

:

00:42:27,785 --> 00:42:28,065

by

:

00:42:28,065 --> 00:42:30,215

it, to then be it again

:

00:42:31,545 --> 00:42:35,725

And like, it's, I think I make a

lot of assumptions in all of that.

:

00:42:36,085 --> 00:42:36,755

Of course.

:

00:42:37,025 --> 00:42:40,085

It's like, well, I can't

feel the feeling now,

:

00:42:40,995 --> 00:42:42,725

uh, so I'm going to feel it later.

:

00:42:42,755 --> 00:42:45,035

So, well, I won't even feel it later.

:

00:42:45,055 --> 00:42:46,145

Like, I'm just going to push it

:

00:42:46,145 --> 00:42:46,605

away,

:

00:42:47,075 --> 00:42:47,435

right?

:

00:42:47,995 --> 00:42:50,915

Um, But I know that, I

know that I need to do this

:

00:42:50,935 --> 00:42:51,945

tomorrow, so I'm

:

00:42:51,945 --> 00:42:53,585

going to, I'm going to, like, push it

:

00:42:53,889 --> 00:42:54,274

Rachel: You'll get there.

:

00:42:54,345 --> 00:43:01,265

Ben: But, yeah, I don't

know if that just had that

:

00:43:04,029 --> 00:43:04,269

Rachel: challenging stuff.

:

00:43:06,168 --> 00:43:10,538

Blakely: It seems like you've curated

a personal existence that gives you a

:

00:43:10,538 --> 00:43:12,828

lot of buffer against the dark stuff.

:

00:43:13,664 --> 00:43:15,075

Rachel: against stuff.

:

00:43:15,075 --> 00:43:15,190

Rainbows.

:

00:43:15,190 --> 00:43:15,305

Yeah.

:

00:43:15,305 --> 00:43:15,421

Absolutely.

:

00:43:15,421 --> 00:43:16,854

Well, and I heard, but anyway,

it was a reminder that the things

:

00:43:18,724 --> 00:43:19,184

that we

:

00:43:19,618 --> 00:43:20,238

Blakely: Absolutely.

:

00:43:20,262 --> 00:43:20,874

Rachel: kids, we still

:

00:43:21,258 --> 00:43:25,756

Blakely: Well, and I heard, may have

been on podcast do hard But anyway,

:

00:43:25,766 --> 00:43:29,159

it was a reminder that the things

that we loved as kids, we still love.

:

00:43:29,185 --> 00:43:29,325

Rachel: Oh,

:

00:43:29,805 --> 00:43:30,005

right.

:

00:43:32,750 --> 00:43:33,050

Love

:

00:43:33,279 --> 00:43:36,372

Blakely: And those tend to be, and I feel

like COVID brought this out a lot for

:

00:43:36,372 --> 00:43:40,252

me that, Oh, that nostalgia comfort is.

:

00:43:40,707 --> 00:43:42,197

It's just always there, right?

:

00:43:42,207 --> 00:43:43,717

It's always underneath us.

:

00:43:44,617 --> 00:43:47,991

But for some, for some, reason, a lot

of the time we pack all that away.

:

00:43:48,031 --> 00:43:50,792

And for you talking about

like valuing cuteness

:

00:43:50,901 --> 00:43:51,081

and

:

00:43:51,081 --> 00:43:51,741

whimsy.

:

00:43:51,954 --> 00:43:52,324

Ben: Yeah.

:

00:43:52,608 --> 00:43:52,898

Rachel: Yeah.

:

00:43:53,257 --> 00:43:53,387

Blakely: That's,

:

00:43:53,527 --> 00:43:53,957

I feel like That's,

:

00:43:54,023 --> 00:43:54,283

Rachel: That's,

:

00:43:54,317 --> 00:43:55,817

Blakely: for a lot of people

because we do the beige.

:

00:43:55,997 --> 00:43:59,017

We do the, this is the checklist,

this is the expectation, this is

:

00:43:59,027 --> 00:44:02,797

the, the picket fence, and my house

is either gray, beige, or white, and

:

00:44:03,863 --> 00:44:07,183

Ben: Yeah, I sorry I'm feeling exhausted

:

00:44:07,795 --> 00:44:08,095

I'm feeling

:

00:44:08,149 --> 00:44:08,779

Rachel: you I was a lot.

:

00:44:09,247 --> 00:44:14,856

Ben: I'm feeling No, I've, I've, I knew

coming in, like I was feeling stuff,

:

00:44:15,756 --> 00:44:19,820

now I've just felt it friends, yeah.

:

00:44:20,160 --> 00:44:21,480

I pushed the button on myself

:

00:44:21,983 --> 00:44:22,233

Blakely: Oh.

:

00:44:23,178 --> 00:44:30,508

Ben: the one of the most important

parts of these questions the middle

:

00:44:30,508 --> 00:44:34,578

question, is Why have you stayed?

:

00:44:34,678 --> 00:44:41,523

Like, what's kept you And we've talked

we've, been talking about this, of how

:

00:44:42,223 --> 00:44:48,983

both difficult and very meaningful this

work is, both personally and for others.

:

00:44:48,983 --> 00:44:53,803

Like, we've seen transformation in

other people's lives and in hooking

:

00:44:53,803 --> 00:44:55,623

people up with resources that they need.

:

00:44:56,103 --> 00:45:03,183

Like, it's, it's a very amazing

but also kind of short lived.

:

00:45:03,588 --> 00:45:06,758

because we have a million

problems to solve.

:

00:45:07,548 --> 00:45:13,278

and we don't really have the to

be able to solve all the problems.

:

00:45:14,118 --> 00:45:22,848

But personally, like it is an identity

piece I mean, you're a number two, right?

:

00:45:22,898 --> 00:45:23,738

I'm a nine.

:

00:45:23,818 --> 00:45:26,998

harmony is a part of my core.

:

00:45:28,503 --> 00:45:33,933

I mean, Blakely, your core motivation,

justice is a huge part of that.

:

00:45:33,953 --> 00:45:40,082

And so it's, all of these pieces of us

are social, and wanting to solve problems.

:

00:45:40,465 --> 00:45:43,065

I was just getting at identity piece, but,

:

00:45:43,473 --> 00:45:44,313

Rachel: But it's the people.

:

00:45:44,343 --> 00:45:48,293

It comes down to the people that allow me

to be there, whether they like it or not.

:

00:45:48,493 --> 00:45:48,803

But

:

00:45:48,903 --> 00:45:49,093

they

:

00:45:49,093 --> 00:45:51,073

allow me to take up space in their world.

:

00:45:51,669 --> 00:45:55,579

And I want to, I'm waiting,

there's a, there's a light

:

00:45:55,579 --> 00:45:56,459

that came off in Ben, I

:

00:45:56,459 --> 00:45:56,699

know.

:

00:45:57,049 --> 00:45:58,809

Ben: No, I'm just like, I'm doing that to

:

00:45:58,809 --> 00:45:59,289

you.

:

00:46:00,139 --> 00:46:01,039

I made you come on the

:

00:46:01,049 --> 00:46:01,529

podcast.

:

00:46:01,988 --> 00:46:02,718

Rachel: but it's the people

:

00:46:02,718 --> 00:46:03,098

that

:

00:46:03,249 --> 00:46:04,259

Ben: that to Blakely.

:

00:46:04,993 --> 00:46:06,283

Rachel: You're like stepping into my web

:

00:46:07,303 --> 00:46:07,733

um,

:

00:46:08,184 --> 00:46:09,454

Ben: we're here for other people,

:

00:46:09,914 --> 00:46:10,264

right?

:

00:46:10,393 --> 00:46:11,243

Rachel: is the people that

:

00:46:11,253 --> 00:46:11,583

just,

:

00:46:11,854 --> 00:46:13,274

Ben: I'm forcing, I'm forcing

:

00:46:13,343 --> 00:46:14,633

Rachel: I took the whole

day off for you, Ben.

:

00:46:15,084 --> 00:46:17,974

Ben: I know, when you said that

yesterday, I was like, shit,

:

00:46:17,994 --> 00:46:19,034

did she take the whole day

:

00:46:19,034 --> 00:46:19,394

off for

:

00:46:19,403 --> 00:46:20,393

Rachel: don't want to let you down.

:

00:46:21,383 --> 00:46:21,643

but it

:

00:46:21,643 --> 00:46:22,813

comes down to people,

:

00:46:22,933 --> 00:46:23,603

patients.

:

00:46:23,604 --> 00:46:24,174

Ben: want to let you know

:

00:46:25,712 --> 00:46:26,502

Blakely: yeah, this is great.

:

00:46:26,928 --> 00:46:28,423

Ben: Stop, stop complimenting

:

00:46:28,512 --> 00:46:31,852

Rachel: don't do well with compliments,

um, but yeah, I mean, it comes

:

00:46:31,852 --> 00:46:34,492

down to the people that allow us

to take up space in their world.

:

00:46:34,572 --> 00:46:35,042

I mean.

:

00:46:35,301 --> 00:46:39,541

I have extreme vulnerabilities of

just not only having the emotions,

:

00:46:39,571 --> 00:46:43,150

the struggles, but I also have chronic

illnesses that are attached to all that.

:

00:46:43,160 --> 00:46:46,750

So not only do you have one insecurity,

vulnerability, you have another.

:

00:46:46,810 --> 00:46:49,320

And then the thoughts and

feelings that you're stuck with.

:

00:46:49,350 --> 00:46:50,870

You're stuck with this diagnosis.

:

00:46:50,880 --> 00:46:54,390

You're stuck with the interventions

medically that you have to do

:

00:46:54,390 --> 00:46:55,980

for this, to accommodate this.

:

00:46:56,590 --> 00:47:00,565

Because The opposite of doing

that is probably death and

:

00:47:00,565 --> 00:47:02,401

that's even scarier, and

:

00:47:02,401 --> 00:47:03,011

so

:

00:47:03,791 --> 00:47:04,271

right.

:

00:47:04,452 --> 00:47:04,932

Ben: trying to

:

00:47:05,681 --> 00:47:06,131

Rachel: Oh yeah.

:

00:47:06,411 --> 00:47:08,741

Or even just bringing a smile.

:

00:47:08,751 --> 00:47:14,241

Like I'm the bingo caller once

a month and I do it on purpose

:

00:47:14,261 --> 00:47:16,131

with intent for a reason.

:

00:47:16,411 --> 00:47:21,570

I get in other people's way because I'm

doing a specific act that is mundane.

:

00:47:21,709 --> 00:47:23,508

It is heckling the bingo caller.

:

00:47:23,528 --> 00:47:27,988

It is running around my horseshoe

shaped clinic for people that can't

:

00:47:27,988 --> 00:47:31,525

see, that have a language barrier,

that have flaccid on one side

:

00:47:31,525 --> 00:47:34,529

because of a stroke, and making

sure that they can check things off.

:

00:47:34,679 --> 00:47:36,569

I do things on purpose for a reason.

:

00:47:37,202 --> 00:47:41,422

If I'm the bingo caller and you let me

cross off three of your numbers, maybe

:

00:47:41,422 --> 00:47:43,832

you'll share something with me that

you haven't shared with someone else.

:

00:47:43,915 --> 00:47:49,181

Or we're going to do a trivia challenge

based on can you name X, Y, and Z.

:

00:47:49,222 --> 00:47:49,492

Cool.

:

00:47:49,492 --> 00:47:51,862

You get a point and you get to

earn your candy bar that I'm

:

00:47:51,872 --> 00:47:52,772

going to screw up your labs for.

:

00:47:52,772 --> 00:47:53,352

But okay,

:

00:47:53,607 --> 00:47:56,757

that's again, someone else's

problem that I started because

:

00:47:56,757 --> 00:47:58,517

I'd rather have that problem than

:

00:47:58,517 --> 00:48:02,615

you not showing up or you not getting an

intervention that you need and then doing.

:

00:48:02,615 --> 00:48:02,675

Cool.

:

00:48:02,860 --> 00:48:06,360

Chair side assessments, or having patients

ball in my arms as they're secretly

:

00:48:06,360 --> 00:48:13,104

attached machine with blood lines across

their bodies, tape, and exposures.

:

00:48:13,314 --> 00:48:15,004

Ben: That's so fucking beautiful.

:

00:48:15,248 --> 00:48:16,258

Rachel: Jones is me.

:

00:48:16,268 --> 00:48:22,758

Like, you know, can you name Taylor Swift

songs versus like, how can you find B 17?

:

00:48:22,768 --> 00:48:25,348

Like, actually, I think it's B 15 because

:

00:48:25,818 --> 00:48:26,328

there's math.

:

00:48:27,469 --> 00:48:27,939

There's math.

:

00:48:28,959 --> 00:48:29,569

There's math.

:

00:48:29,855 --> 00:48:30,915

Ben: I love that you've played it so

:

00:48:31,109 --> 00:48:34,819

Rachel: Oh, and then I have to

do it like for my own purpose

:

00:48:35,904 --> 00:48:35,964

Blakely: Yeah.

:

00:48:35,964 --> 00:48:35,994

Uh,

:

00:48:36,235 --> 00:48:38,215

Rachel: once a month, which is a

date night for me and my husband.

:

00:48:38,635 --> 00:48:39,895

Ben: And my you get drunk while you

:

00:48:40,214 --> 00:48:40,649

Rachel: I don't drink.

:

00:48:40,788 --> 00:48:41,758

I'm high on life.

:

00:48:41,808 --> 00:48:42,758

It's perfect.

:

00:48:43,032 --> 00:48:43,382

Dr.

:

00:48:43,382 --> 00:48:43,942

Pepper is

:

00:48:44,026 --> 00:48:44,236

Blakely: so

:

00:48:44,386 --> 00:48:44,866

wonderful

:

00:48:44,871 --> 00:48:45,076

by

:

00:48:45,442 --> 00:48:46,422

Rachel: Why would you ruin it with

:

00:48:46,576 --> 00:48:47,176

Blakely: I Would you ruin it

:

00:48:47,570 --> 00:48:48,590

Rachel: it's just wonderful.

:

00:48:48,785 --> 00:48:53,379

Blakely: It seems like You hold on to

that value of people aren't a diagnosis,

:

00:48:53,730 --> 00:48:54,690

as a big part of

:

00:48:55,200 --> 00:48:55,280

Rachel: I

:

00:48:55,280 --> 00:48:55,490

have

:

00:48:55,523 --> 00:48:56,203

Blakely: what you're doing.

:

00:48:56,350 --> 00:48:58,974

Rachel: of, I want to get to

know you, the person, because

:

00:48:59,024 --> 00:49:01,484

when you leave my office,

you're back to being a person,

:

00:49:01,634 --> 00:49:02,894

but you'll always be a person

:

00:49:03,136 --> 00:49:03,526

for me.

:

00:49:03,742 --> 00:49:06,561

Blakely: Well, and that's, again,

I think I've said that Oasis thing

:

00:49:06,666 --> 00:49:08,966

I think that's some of what people

are terrified of in a hospital.

:

00:49:08,976 --> 00:49:10,711

Like, you become just a body.

:

00:49:10,711 --> 00:49:11,761

You're not a person anymore.

:

00:49:11,761 --> 00:49:14,071

There are all the things that

we pack around ourselves to...

:

00:49:14,124 --> 00:49:15,404

Forget our mortality.

:

00:49:15,449 --> 00:49:15,929

Have to be

:

00:49:15,929 --> 00:49:17,511

left at the door.

:

00:49:17,511 --> 00:49:18,171

And so,

:

00:49:18,171 --> 00:49:22,078

that my, my encyclopedic knowledge

of Taylor Swift, I don't have that.

:

00:49:22,279 --> 00:49:23,949

It matters even here.

:

00:49:24,814 --> 00:49:25,424

Rachel: It does.

:

00:49:25,484 --> 00:49:26,494

But I mean, it's,

:

00:49:26,594 --> 00:49:27,004

you,

:

00:49:27,032 --> 00:49:27,732

Blakely: make room for that.

:

00:49:27,742 --> 00:49:29,462

You make room for that because

no one else there will.

:

00:49:29,472 --> 00:49:29,486

Yeah.

:

00:49:29,765 --> 00:49:32,576

Rachel: it's purposeful, if you

rock a hospital gown, you're going

:

00:49:32,576 --> 00:49:33,956

to be treated like any old patient.

:

00:49:34,055 --> 00:49:37,831

you're a chart, you are a head in a

bed, you get three hots and a cot.

:

00:49:37,831 --> 00:49:38,351

yeah.

:

00:49:38,351 --> 00:49:40,841

And that's what I always try to reframe.

:

00:49:40,871 --> 00:49:41,409

And it's like,

:

00:49:42,181 --> 00:49:42,681

well,

:

00:49:42,871 --> 00:49:44,281

whether they wanted to be

here or not, they're here.

:

00:49:44,629 --> 00:49:47,509

Blakely: I can see why that's necessary

for some of the people that work there.

:

00:49:47,759 --> 00:49:50,349

And that's what rang in my head

when you said, well, his labs

:

00:49:50,349 --> 00:49:51,499

are going to be fucked up, but

:

00:49:51,598 --> 00:49:54,298

someone else's problem tomorrow

and I got the thing today.

:

00:49:54,548 --> 00:49:56,118

Which is actually going to set the

:

00:49:56,479 --> 00:49:56,619

Rachel: set the trajectory

:

00:49:56,759 --> 00:49:56,789

heal

:

00:49:56,918 --> 00:49:59,038

Blakely: to heal because

he'll trust me in the

:

00:49:59,451 --> 00:49:59,619

Rachel: is my job.

:

00:49:59,797 --> 00:50:00,617

Blakely: which is my job,

:

00:50:05,071 --> 00:50:06,051

Ben: people will be

:

00:50:06,051 --> 00:50:08,491

motivated to take care

of themselves if they

:

00:50:08,491 --> 00:50:08,856

are,

:

00:50:08,856 --> 00:50:11,371

seen as human, rather than othered.

:

00:50:11,593 --> 00:50:15,263

Seen as an object, seen as a

commodity, seen as a head in a

:

00:50:15,273 --> 00:50:16,043

bed.

:

00:50:16,686 --> 00:50:18,106

Rachel: Head into bed,

three hots and a cot.

:

00:50:19,064 --> 00:50:19,854

Three meals,

:

00:50:20,149 --> 00:50:20,759

a bed.

:

00:50:21,953 --> 00:50:23,953

Blakely: I hear that

about jail all Mm hmm.

:

00:50:23,963 --> 00:50:26,263

But I may have just worked in

a different space than you.

:

00:50:27,726 --> 00:50:29,936

, Ben: so we come here

for a specific reason.

:

00:50:29,946 --> 00:50:31,084

We like to help people.

:

00:50:31,094 --> 00:50:33,432

We're, we're motivated to help.

:

00:50:33,545 --> 00:50:39,585

We stay, despite all the pain, we

have, there's a lot of personal meaning

:

00:50:39,595 --> 00:50:43,650

and professional meaning and What do

you feel like you need going forward?

:

00:50:43,929 --> 00:50:45,746

What needs to happen for yourself?

:

00:50:45,746 --> 00:50:49,576

What needs to change in the system

for you to feel like you can

:

00:50:49,576 --> 00:50:51,726

sustain a career of being a social

:

00:50:53,599 --> 00:50:58,379

Rachel: do you, you haven't

:

00:50:58,669 --> 00:50:58,719

asked her.

:

00:50:58,889 --> 00:50:59,429

I know

:

00:50:59,612 --> 00:50:59,682

Blakely: sure

:

00:50:59,910 --> 00:51:00,140

Ben: have

:

00:51:00,140 --> 00:51:01,120

job security.

:

00:51:01,812 --> 00:51:03,062

Blakely: you are such an optimistic

:

00:51:03,239 --> 00:51:04,267

Rachel: I feel like

:

00:51:04,332 --> 00:51:05,162

Blakely: I feel like

:

00:51:05,162 --> 00:51:08,362

I lead these meetings saying,

I have less hope than last week

:

00:51:08,372 --> 00:51:09,672

about our future as humanity.

:

00:51:12,232 --> 00:51:12,602

I'm

:

00:51:12,814 --> 00:51:14,432

constantly leading with, Our demise is

:

00:51:14,452 --> 00:51:14,858

imminent.

:

00:51:15,079 --> 00:51:16,309

Rachel: told you I was annoying.

:

00:51:16,309 --> 00:51:20,089

Blakely: No, it's amazing, it's

like, it's, For some reason, this

:

00:51:20,089 --> 00:51:21,759

conversation is making a ring in my head.

:

00:51:21,929 --> 00:51:25,089

We can do the exact opposite shit, and

we're gonna end up in the same damn place.

:

00:51:25,438 --> 00:51:27,068

We come from totally different directions.

:

00:51:27,603 --> 00:51:28,178

Same thing, it's

:

00:51:28,215 --> 00:51:29,805

Ben: I fell in the middle of the two of

:

00:51:29,809 --> 00:51:30,969

Rachel: Now you're in our spectrum.

:

00:51:31,035 --> 00:51:31,870

Ben: Yeah.

:

00:51:31,953 --> 00:51:32,943

Blakely: a beautiful triangle

:

00:51:33,055 --> 00:51:33,065

Ben: Aw.

:

00:51:34,732 --> 00:51:34,882

I

:

00:51:34,882 --> 00:51:35,074

know.

:

00:51:35,352 --> 00:51:36,995

Yeah, so what do you need going forward?

:

00:51:37,303 --> 00:51:39,499

Rachel: I mean, I need to pay my bills.

:

00:51:39,499 --> 00:51:44,947

I need to make sure my children have

everything and I if I start losing

:

00:51:44,967 --> 00:51:47,337

my sense of me, that will take me away.

:

00:51:49,356 --> 00:51:50,226

Blakely: how do you hold onto you?

:

00:51:50,581 --> 00:51:50,891

Rachel: Dr.

:

00:51:50,891 --> 00:51:51,201

Pepper.

:

00:51:51,261 --> 00:51:51,751

Um,

:

00:51:52,652 --> 00:51:56,091

knowing that everything has

an opportunity to be good.

:

00:51:56,322 --> 00:51:58,099

Like trying to find the goodness.

:

00:51:58,099 --> 00:52:01,494

If I stopped seeing the goodness in

the world, I know I need to fix me.

:

00:52:03,195 --> 00:52:03,605

Ben: If I know

:

00:52:03,624 --> 00:52:07,434

Rachel: get that in my sweet,

adorable faces of my children.

:

00:52:07,654 --> 00:52:10,710

I get that from the foundation

I built with my husband.

:

00:52:11,017 --> 00:52:12,027

making time for me.

:

00:52:12,514 --> 00:52:16,401

I think just overall with if I stop

being Like if everything that I can do.

:

00:52:16,401 --> 00:52:17,881

comes from a good place.

:

00:52:17,961 --> 00:52:21,291

Even if I yelled at someone and

said, listen here, you're going to

:

00:52:21,361 --> 00:52:23,151

do X, Y, and Z, or this will happen.

:

00:52:23,408 --> 00:52:29,128

If I have to get direct, but if I

can, if I stop seeing I deserve that.

:

00:52:29,318 --> 00:52:33,008

Cause in the midst of all the

bad, and all the hate, and all

:

00:52:33,008 --> 00:52:36,068

the everything, there needs to be

something good that I can hold on

:

00:52:36,893 --> 00:52:38,653

Blakely: Have you had to do some

of that work to get yourself back

:

00:52:40,003 --> 00:52:44,105

Rachel: Yeah, a lot of the times

it's forcing myself to do things.

:

00:52:44,155 --> 00:52:46,365

Um, a lot of it is I have to check out.

:

00:52:46,585 --> 00:52:49,565

I have to either abandon a job that

I thought I was really good at.

:

00:52:50,244 --> 00:52:53,464

just because I'm good at things

doesn't mean that it's for me.

:

00:52:53,595 --> 00:52:54,045

Ben: Ooh.

:

00:52:55,305 --> 00:52:55,465

and

:

00:52:55,644 --> 00:52:56,364

Rachel: hard too.

:

00:52:57,161 --> 00:53:01,541

Walking away and allowing someone maybe

to see an opportunity that they missed.

:

00:53:01,731 --> 00:53:02,481

Sometimes that's fun.

:

00:53:02,814 --> 00:53:03,054

Blakely: Hm.

:

00:53:03,804 --> 00:53:05,894

Rachel: I've walked away

from jobs that I've loved.

:

00:53:06,514 --> 00:53:09,414

Loved, because I couldn't I

walked away from jobs because I

:

00:53:09,414 --> 00:53:10,834

saw some things I didn't like.

:

00:53:11,367 --> 00:53:15,709

Whether it was like infection risk, people

not following through with rules, or if

:

00:53:15,709 --> 00:53:20,419

a policy is dumb or stupid and it needs to

be changed, I'll rewrite the policy and Or

:

00:53:20,419 --> 00:53:23,879

I didn't like the job description of the

social worker, so I fixed it, and this is

:

00:53:23,879 --> 00:53:25,054

what you need to put out, and they did.

:

00:53:25,270 --> 00:53:29,624

or hey, sit down with me because

this or if you mess up my credentials

:

00:53:29,624 --> 00:53:32,624

one more time when you're talking

to me, I'm going to throw a fit,

:

00:53:33,479 --> 00:53:34,769

because I'm pretty proud of those.

:

00:53:35,034 --> 00:53:36,914

Blakely: Do you feel like you

have comfort in those speaking up

:

00:53:36,914 --> 00:53:38,104

moments or does that come later?

:

00:53:38,384 --> 00:53:40,504

Rachel: I often don't regret the things I

:

00:53:40,985 --> 00:53:43,802

Even if it hurts, even

if I'm blubbering later,

:

00:53:44,005 --> 00:53:45,265

I usually don't regret anything.

:

00:53:45,428 --> 00:53:49,297

and stick up for myself against

the bullies, against the hot

:

00:53:49,297 --> 00:53:51,427

mess expresses that you find

yourself dealing with on a daily

:

00:53:53,114 --> 00:53:55,734

Blakely: usually what I do to

wrap, to wrap up the interview

:

00:53:55,800 --> 00:53:57,178

is I bring it back to you.

:

00:53:57,178 --> 00:53:57,205

So.

:

00:53:57,805 --> 00:53:59,445

Pop culture, my favorite.

:

00:53:59,685 --> 00:54:05,015

My favorite escapism is books, movies,

TV, and I also am kind of sort of

:

00:54:05,015 --> 00:54:11,227

obsessed with how we as helpers, are

represented in pop culture spaces.

:

00:54:11,506 --> 00:54:12,946

And so what I like to know is...

:

00:54:13,573 --> 00:54:15,803

It doesn't have to be good,

because I don't know if good

:

00:54:15,803 --> 00:54:16,453

exists.

:

00:54:16,633 --> 00:54:20,713

But what is your favorite

representation of a helper in media?

:

00:54:20,829 --> 00:54:21,809

Rachel: favorite representation

:

00:54:21,953 --> 00:54:22,443

Blakely: Sure.

:

00:54:22,765 --> 00:54:24,905

Rachel: medical social work,

you naturally think of what's

:

00:54:24,905 --> 00:54:26,942

the popular medical TV drama,

:

00:54:27,762 --> 00:54:28,022

Grey's

:

00:54:28,466 --> 00:54:28,936

Blakely: yeah.

:

00:54:29,417 --> 00:54:33,297

Rachel: And so rarely if ever a

social worker is talked about,

:

00:54:33,804 --> 00:54:34,995

but when it is,

:

00:54:35,565 --> 00:54:35,985

it's,

:

00:54:36,365 --> 00:54:37,565

I know, right.

:

00:54:37,905 --> 00:54:38,410

And I've

:

00:54:38,504 --> 00:54:39,894

Blakely: seen maybe, I'm a

:

00:54:39,945 --> 00:54:40,515

Rachel: a handful.

:

00:54:40,734 --> 00:54:41,074

Blakely: behind.

:

00:54:41,254 --> 00:54:42,674

But I've seen a handful of social workers.

:

00:54:42,694 --> 00:54:43,654

And what are they usually doing?

:

00:54:43,702 --> 00:54:45,022

Rachel: the Taking babies.

:

00:54:45,062 --> 00:54:48,242

or, hey, there's a relationship

or a family that's upset.

:

00:54:48,712 --> 00:54:50,072

Call the social worker,

that's the social worker's

:

00:54:50,609 --> 00:54:51,096

Blakely: and

:

00:54:51,572 --> 00:54:55,592

Rachel: and then at the same time, I have

my sweet husband be like, that's you!

:

00:54:56,942 --> 00:55:00,322

Uh, and I'm like, it is me, but that's not

:

00:55:00,382 --> 00:55:01,572

what I do.

:

00:55:01,652 --> 00:55:06,743

Or I'm like, When the doctor's like,

Hey, we set up like this discharge plan.

:

00:55:06,753 --> 00:55:07,513

We did this.

:

00:55:07,553 --> 00:55:08,153

Oh, thanks.

:

00:55:08,153 --> 00:55:08,513

Dr.

:

00:55:08,513 --> 00:55:09,083

So and so.

:

00:55:09,083 --> 00:55:12,313

I'm like, do you know how much blood,

sweat, and tears, paperwork, drama,

:

00:55:12,633 --> 00:55:15,193

documentation that they did not

:

00:55:15,193 --> 00:55:16,963

do so that could happen?

:

00:55:17,609 --> 00:55:21,605

Blakely: I was, gonna say, I could shift

this question to which of the typical

:

00:55:21,605 --> 00:55:24,025

cheesy quotes is yours to live by?

:

00:55:24,115 --> 00:55:25,405

Because I think we all have one.

:

00:55:26,019 --> 00:55:27,369

Are you an Angelou or a Gandhi?

:

00:55:28,556 --> 00:55:28,986

Rachel: I have no idea.

:

00:55:29,306 --> 00:55:30,296

I make my own quotes.

:

00:55:30,316 --> 00:55:31,816

I don't rely on anyone else.

:

00:55:32,367 --> 00:55:32,467

Ben: I'm listening to

:

00:55:32,482 --> 00:55:34,532

Rachel: let's just go from there.

:

00:55:34,572 --> 00:55:37,312

Like, you make your own mark on this world

:

00:55:37,816 --> 00:55:39,606

Blakely: Go forth and be quotable.

:

00:55:39,752 --> 00:55:43,343

Rachel: Just, yeah,

like put me on a poster.

:

00:55:43,383 --> 00:55:44,273

Put my, give me a

:

00:55:44,273 --> 00:55:44,973

hashtag.

:

00:55:44,993 --> 00:55:45,763

Give me

:

00:55:45,783 --> 00:55:46,773

something.

:

00:55:46,786 --> 00:55:47,516

Blakely: I don't quote other people,

:

00:55:47,526 --> 00:55:48,066

I quote my damn

:

00:55:48,086 --> 00:55:48,456

self.

:

00:55:48,907 --> 00:55:49,277

Rachel: Got some

:

00:55:49,287 --> 00:55:49,867

isms.

:

00:55:50,328 --> 00:55:52,287

Blakely: Oh, I was just

going with the be The change.

:

00:55:52,429 --> 00:55:53,749

Rachel: Oh, I

:

00:55:53,749 --> 00:55:54,109

am.

:

00:55:55,415 --> 00:55:56,019

beat, all you need

:

00:55:56,605 --> 00:55:56,615

Ben: I

:

00:55:56,615 --> 00:55:56,665

love it.

:

00:55:59,249 --> 00:56:01,608

Joy shared is double joy.

:

00:56:02,732 --> 00:56:03,964

Sorrow shared.

:

00:56:03,964 --> 00:56:04,314

is half

:

00:56:04,482 --> 00:56:04,682

Blakely: sorrow.

:

00:56:05,580 --> 00:56:05,941

I like that

:

00:56:06,361 --> 00:56:06,831

Rachel: that was

:

00:56:07,252 --> 00:56:08,252

Ben: Oh, see?

:

00:56:08,400 --> 00:56:08,460

Blakely: the

:

00:56:08,610 --> 00:56:08,690

first

:

00:56:08,871 --> 00:56:09,671

Rachel: part.

:

00:56:09,840 --> 00:56:10,410

Blakely: It's a good one.

:

00:56:10,481 --> 00:56:11,141

Rachel: I like that

:

00:56:11,840 --> 00:56:13,180

Ben: we, need community.

:

00:56:14,548 --> 00:56:18,475

Joy shared is double Sorrow

shared is half sorrow.

:

00:56:19,188 --> 00:56:19,708

Rachel: Who said it?

:

00:56:20,299 --> 00:56:20,649

Ben: Oh, I

:

00:56:20,649 --> 00:56:21,049

think it's

:

00:56:21,059 --> 00:56:27,139

some some sort of like, uh,

proverb, I don't know, Not mine.

:

00:56:28,159 --> 00:56:32,761

I am feeling the thing that I always

love to feel with these conversations.

:

00:56:32,761 --> 00:56:37,570

this is what I'm going each time, is

just feeling connected with the people

:

00:56:37,570 --> 00:56:39,493

I care about, so thanks for coming.

:

00:56:39,573 --> 00:56:40,823

It's, it's awesome.

:

00:56:41,389 --> 00:56:42,179

Rachel: I don't want to let you down.

:

00:56:42,629 --> 00:56:43,229

Either of you.

:

00:56:43,820 --> 00:56:44,180

Ben: Such a

:

00:56:46,010 --> 00:56:46,750

Help me!

:

00:56:47,030 --> 00:56:48,310

Help me, Rachel!

:

00:56:48,339 --> 00:56:48,999

Rachel: me help you.

:

00:56:48,999 --> 00:56:49,174

I'm

:

00:56:58,055 --> 00:56:58,645

Oh, cute.

:

00:56:59,435 --> 00:56:59,605

Oh,

:

00:56:59,605 --> 00:56:59,825

see,

:

00:56:59,825 --> 00:57:01,075

we deal with bodily fluids.

:

00:57:01,085 --> 00:57:01,755

I've dodged.

:

00:57:01,755 --> 00:57:02,305

We've like.

:

00:57:03,075 --> 00:57:09,025

confetti blood all over the place like

you know I've seen a lot of things as a

:

00:57:09,025 --> 00:57:11,555

social worker a lot of scrotum a lot of

:

00:57:11,801 --> 00:57:12,181

Ben: Oh!

:

00:57:12,191 --> 00:57:12,400

yeah

:

00:57:12,625 --> 00:57:14,785

Rachel: as someone that

never went to school to do it

:

00:57:14,951 --> 00:57:15,621

Ben: Yeah.

:

00:57:15,685 --> 00:57:20,628

Rachel: everything hospitals

are grody but okay I did mother

:

00:57:20,638 --> 00:57:21,948

baby too,

:

00:57:21,948 --> 00:57:23,588

outers

:

00:57:25,551 --> 00:57:26,241

Ben: Wow.

:

00:57:27,881 --> 00:57:28,281

Yeah.

:

00:57:28,831 --> 00:57:29,041

How

:

00:57:29,041 --> 00:57:30,481

do you do what you do?

:

00:57:30,631 --> 00:57:31,841

I could never do that.

:

00:57:32,423 --> 00:57:32,443

Rachel: do that.

:

00:57:32,443 --> 00:57:33,323

I hate that question too.

:

00:57:33,503 --> 00:57:33,683

You

:

00:57:33,683 --> 00:57:34,563

just do.

:

00:57:34,613 --> 00:57:36,793

You find something you're good at and you

:

00:57:36,963 --> 00:57:37,403

go

:

00:57:37,433 --> 00:57:37,853

through.

:

00:57:38,843 --> 00:57:39,723

People are gross.

:

00:57:39,953 --> 00:57:40,763

Everybody knows that.

:

00:57:40,813 --> 00:57:41,213

Okay.

:

00:57:41,303 --> 00:57:42,603

That's just a checkbox.

:

00:57:42,623 --> 00:57:42,903

Cool.

:

00:57:42,903 --> 00:57:43,423

You're gross.

:

00:57:43,503 --> 00:57:44,013

Awesome.

:

00:57:44,093 --> 00:57:44,453

Cool.

:

00:57:44,453 --> 00:57:45,193

That smells.

:

00:57:45,813 --> 00:57:46,063

Okay.

:

00:57:46,523 --> 00:57:46,913

Cool.

:

00:57:46,933 --> 00:57:47,733

Everybody does.

:

00:57:47,753 --> 00:57:48,913

Or we all got the same parts.

:

00:57:48,933 --> 00:57:49,413

Awesome.

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About the Podcast

Being the Work
Getting real about the lives of mental health professionals
Conversations with therapists, for therapists courageously cracking into our unspoken experiences. We seek to put voice to taboo topics in the helping professions, deepen our connections to each other, and ask the difficult questions of what it is to be fully human and a helper at the same time.
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